I am a teacher. 

It is Spring. 

I am done. 

Okay, okay!  I will be honest with all 13 of you and tell you that when I went back to teaching last fall, I declared that I would give it my all and NOT quit early.  I don’t mean like truly walking out on my job but just checking out.  You know, my body is there but the mind is kinda like in a field of bluebonnets or shopping for every color of flip flop.  

Well, I failed.  My declaration meant nothing to my inner soul and now I am just a being in the classroom. 

I have the fever.

Bad.

I have never had it this bad before.  What makes it worse is that I still care.  I am irritated that I am so ill with this blasted fever.  True, the sunny, warmer days put a spring into my step but it has never ever done this to me.

But I have been thinking. 

I don’t only have spring fever.  I have “Oh my gosh! My days as a mom to a preschooler are just about over” fever.

This morning when I kissed that curly head of my third child as she lay in the bed sawing some serious logs, I realized that what I really wanted to do was snuggle up in that bed with her, walk her into her preschool, help her into her graduation attire for their pictures today (and somehow dodge the crocodile tears), and run my fingers thru that curly mop on top of her head. 

I do believe I have some momma blues. 

It has nothing to do with teaching except for some guilt that trickles down from being away from my youngest 7 hours a day (I only work 6 hours a day Monday – Thursday).  I dealt with this potential fear when I wrestled with my boss heart last summer over taking this job or not.  I needed one more year at home.  Going back this year did not make sense.  I still have a “baby” at home. 

Let me tell you . . . the child has not suffered.  She is the center of the universe to two doting grandparents who spoil keep her 3 days a week.  I feel like I am more intentional with my time with her (and the other two kids around here) and am much more organized and efficient. 

Do I feel trapped inside a tight schedule?

Yes!

Am I craving summer something awful?

You bet. 

But this year has grown me.  It has been a good year for our family.  It has made us truly prioritize and value what we have in each other.  God has shown me many things about myself as a woman -  esp as a wife and mother. 

So why the guilt?

I don’t think it is guilt.   There is a change, a chapter closing and a new one beginning in my life.  While I am thrilled to have three happy, healthy, normally developing children, I am mourning the days of toddlerville.  I see mothers with wee ones and feel sort of empty. 

And then my children clear the table for me, take care of their business independently, and carry on a conversation with me with more than two words.  I am content.

So while I am battling these fevers, I know I will triumph.  I will soar like an eagle for I will wait upon the Lord.  I will not grow faint (I can’t truly believe that pre-teen hormones won’t kill me).  And for everything there is a season.  I love all the seasons of the year as I have enjoyed the seasons in my life.  I get weary of the longevity of a few seasons but the joy that comes from the needed changes give me a life I love.