Yesterday morning I was enjoying the extra time snuggled in my bed.   The husband had left at 6:30am to set up for church and took Pumpkin with him.  The other two were persistent in their quest to get Mommy out of the bed.  I was not too pleased. 

They left the room but I heard fussing.  A lot of fussing.  I rolled over, groaned, and verbally announced, “I just can’t do this today!”  It was like I actually heard a voice saying, “Oh yeah!  You didn’t ask for help.”

This was not a new revelation to ANYONE.  Especially not to me, oh little girl raised so very Southern Baptist.  But for some reason it struck me.  It was a message that I ignore everyday then complain all day that I just can’t seem to get it together.  And let me tell you that I have lots of little strands of yarn that I certainly cannot get together or even separate into individual strands.  Sometimes I feel like a big lump of tangled up yarn.  So interwoven that I can’t find the beginning or the end of the individual strands.  But I know the One who somehow surpasses all understanding and works on each part one by one, gently separating them into doable pieces. 

While I was encouraged by my sudden change in attitude there in my cozy bed on Sunday morning, I was also convicted.  Convicted that I don’t start everyday praising my Lord and also admitting that I CAN’T do it.  I just can’t.  Sure, it starts out okay.  Well, I get by.  But it weighs on me all day.  It is actually more like an emptiness.  I seem to miss the memo – or maybe I get the memo but don’t read it or heed its words. 

Today as I was frustrated in my teaching, an analogy hit me.  That was the only productive thing that took place in that room today.

I tell my students OVER and OVER to listen and watch carefully during instruction and then read the directions so they will know what to do.  This prevents them from doing the wrong thing.  They tend to depend on what they THINK is correct but by not reading, they miss out on a few little words that send them to Frustrationville (that is what I call it when a child ends up in tears, snot all over the face, and back to square one . . . being clueless).  It happens a lot in my room.  Granted, they all aren’t real apt at reading yet but they are learning.  They lack the courage to try. 

Watching this take place repeatedly today, I thought of myself.  I realized that I end up sending myself to Frustrationville just because I DO NOT take the time to read the instructions and listen to my Teacher.  I grumble that I am mom, wife, teacher, homemaker, etc so I CAN’T add another thing.  I can’t.  That especially includes spending time in prayer and studying the Bible.  After all, isn’t that unproductive? 

And here I sit at the computer.  Hmmm…maybe I have a priority issue too?  I will confess that this is the first time in a long time I have thought much about this.  To sit down and evaluate my life.  It tends to be so natural to chat about my children and domestic doings but not to stop and focus on my Lord.  UUUUGH! 

I am to have a deep dependence on HIM, on his word.   I am so similar to my students that I want a shortcut to finish the race but I end up hitting a roadblock and falling on my face.  And I land in Frustrationville.  It is not a very fun place to be.  It is loud, chaotic, and I typically end up with a headache and snot all over my face.  Such an enchanting place to be, don’t you think? 


One Comment

  1. sincerelyanna
    Posted November 5, 2007 at 10:01 pm | Permalink

    I seem to arrive in Frustrationville myself. This was an honest post and doesn’t it feel good to write out these things? You are certainly not alone here, it’s our heartbeat as Christian mommies to do our very best, but God wants us to be in need of Him in order for us to do our very best, not just rely on ourselves. Hope the classroom setting improves as you teach all those little ones to improve in their reading. That alone is a trip to Frustrationville for anyone, I imagine!

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