When you combine a mammogram, a day off, 3 children, and a trip to Wal-mart, you are only asking for trouble.

What makes my Friday (aka my day off) so very special? 

Well, I discovered that it certainly does not include waking up at 6am,  a mammogram, and going to Wallyworld (aka Wal-mart) with all three of my children (that I allowed to have soda at lunch before our shopping adventure).  

Not only did I have the privilege of getting my you-know-whats squished and handled, I had the worst shopping trip in my parental days with my three precious children.  Precious was not on my mind while we were waltzing the aisles of Wallyworld.  No it was not. 

I am not even settled on what was worse.  The mammogram or the shopping trip. 

Oh!  Yes.  The shopping trip.   Hands down.  The worst.

Taking my kids to Wal-mart after a sugar high and with my attitude of “It is my day off, I should not have to take my children to do what I want to do” was not too smart.  I thought it was necessary.  We, like, have to eat.  So maybe my decision was a smart one.

Actually stupid is a better word to describe my logic.  My reasoning with taking the monkeys this afternoon was to get the task out of the way so we could have family night with the husband later on.  Well, I added years to my life, gray to my hair, and blood rushing to my head. 

I should have known that the shopping trip would only go downhill when my FIVE year old declared in the produce department, “I have to go potty now!”  She was sitting in the cart playing her Leapster being rather content.  She did, however, fail to mention the need to dispose of her waste in a timely manner. 

Imagine the horror when I noticed liquid trickling through the holes on the cart right there in the produce section.

Oh yes she did!  Oh yes she did pee right there! I was mortified.  So was the 8 year old.  Pumpkin decided to announce the grossness of the situation to all in the store.   My hopes to secretly clean it up and move on were shattered.  The face on that child as some innocent bystanders marched right thru the puddle was priceless.  We actually looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders, and laughed.  I just was unable to clean it up before they were walking right in it.  Didn’t phase them.  (shudder)

The good news in this:  I did not have to walk the 2.3 miles to the bathroom on the OTHER side of the store.  She had taken care of her business in the produce department.

Wouldn’t you know 4 minutes later, the five year old makes yet another announcement?  This time involving the word POOP. 

UUGH!  I wasn’t risking that business being done in the pants so we headed to the bathroom.  This time we were 3. 2 miles away from the nearest restroom.  I think this is when the grumpiness set in. 

Well, no.  I think it is when a man looked at me from afar and pointed to my child sitting on the edge of the shopping cart.  He proceeded to tell me that my child needs to get down, that it was unsafe.  Granted, it was unsafe but I wasn’t too thrilled with a stranger pointing out my faults.  

What did I do?  I completely ignored the man. 

I most certainly did. 

We were headed to the bathroom.   No time to think about safety of the child when another puddle (or worse) could appear and cause some poor elderly lady a trip to the hospital.  I would have none of that. 

The Lad passed by the electronics and you know what that was all about.  Pumpkin wanted to go to the toys. 

Absolutely not!  Keep moving forward was the motto.  My goal was to get out of there as quickly as possible.

I was considering escaping out the FIRE EXIT at that point and ONLY taking the groceries.  Of course that would have been two crimes in one day (leaving my children and stealing).  And while the thought of being in a cell ALONE sounded really good at the time, it would eventually be more of a hassle than, say, getting through Wal-mart with THREE very wound up children.

As I was hurrying Little Miss into the bathroom, the Lad decides to rearrange the groceries, my dear aunt calls about Christmas presents, and Pumpkin disappears around the corner.  Little Miss sat on the toilet yelling, “Mommy are you here, are you here?”  Obviously my “Yes, baby” 5 times did not convince her of my presence.  

I hung up with Aunt (feeling horrible about the lack of focus), griped at the Lad, found Pumpkin, wiped a bottom and stopped and realized I was being a fool for being so tense.

My attitude improved just a wee bit.  The kids were a teensy weensy better.

Until the checkout line.  I do believe Satan himself lives in lane 8.  At least today at 3:58 pm. 

He does, he really really does.  That or my children became possessed.

The checkout lady was very peturbed with what she was witnessing .

As was I thankyouverymuch!

I finally sat two of the three on their little bottoms on that nasty floor and threatened their sweet little lives. 

Can’t recall exactly what I said but they sat and tears were gushing.  Well, not by the five year old.  She was continuing to be a BRAT!  The Lad pulled himself together and started to fear the consequence. 

We got to the car with blame after blame being pointed at each other. 

Apparently I am to blame because I made them come to the store.

UUHUMMM! 

So….another lecture, consequence slung around that van and off we went. 

Not sure who was crying more.  Mom or the Lad.

Came home, I demanded asked the children to unload the groceries, and I went to my room to cool down pray for guidance.

It was amazing.  I walked out of my room, the groceries were in from the garage, smiles were on three little faces, and I was ready to conquer it all.

Actually, I threw the cold stuff in the freezer/fridge, grabbed my son, and had a calm, very effective chat.  We also snuggled.  I then plopped down on the couch with the girls and read Christmas books. 

The husband arrived in the midst of this.  Most of the groceries were still out, supper was not even a thought, but by golly, tears were gone, children were happy AND THE GROCERIES were bought.   Life was good.  And to think it all started at 6 am on my day off.  And then the whole upper body part being squeezed thingy.

It is all in perspective, isn’t it?  I am alive (with good insurance that allows me to have those yearly tests at a young age all b/c of family cancer history) with a wonderful family to buy groceries for serve.

I am even considering another trip alone with the children next week.

At least I had the day off.

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One Comment

  1. Sheli
    Posted November 30, 2007 at 9:57 pm | Permalink

    That is hilarious and horrible all at the same time! 🙂 And you sounded so relaxed when I talked to you at lunch….


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