I find that my husband’s absence is a perfect time to be accident prone

Not sure why that would be true.  My series of accidents would, however, certainly prove to one that yesterday was a great day to repeatedly injure myself.  If you know me at all, you would agree that I am not of the graceful type.  No where close.  You would probably declare me to be a klutz.  The one thing parenting has done to help me is to cover up my numerous bloopers.  The kids get blamed for it all but deep down I know the truth.  It was all my fault!

Today I was determined to have a good attitude and enjoy the children.  My mind and my heart told me that, but for some odd reason, my body did not get the memo.  After I said good bye to the floor man and his wife, I HAD to allow Little Miss to get that excessive energy out.    She had way too much bottled up during the day.   That is when the chain of events started.

 Mistake #1   I forgot to pick up my feet. 

I was outside watching Little Miss ride her bike.  I ran inside to grab the ringing phone and started to walk down our three steps out front.  I somehow managed to forget the little dip between the last step and the community sidewalk ( I ALWAYS tell our guests to be careful).  I was chatting on the phone and the next thing I knew, I was flat on my back, my girls standing over me yelling, “Mommy, I will call the ambulance.  Oh mommy !”  I realized that the phone had traveled a few feet from my hand and I heard, “Are you alright?  Do I need to come help?”  It took me a moment to figure out that I had completely wiped out.  What really happened was that little dip caused me to basically twist both ankles so I went down like a bow-legged sailor.  A lovely sight I am sure.  I pulled myself up sort of laughing but feeling quite a bit of throbbing in both ankles.  UUGH ! Both ankles.   I walked around a bit and the pain subsided.   Sigh.  They still hurt but I was functioning.  My first thought when I was on the ground was, “Who will help with the children?” 

I gathered the bikes and children and headed inside to feed the monkeys.

Mistake #2  I forgot that my leg occupied the bottom half of my body

About 30 minutes later, I was busy preparing for church, feeding the kids, doing laundry, etc., etc when I failed to be aware of my legs.  My legs and a piece of furniture.  I am now a proud owner of a fresh new bruise on my right leg.  Uugh again! 

Mistake #3  I forgot that there is such a thing as gravity

I settled the kids in bed and headed for the tub with my Sunday School lesson in hand.  I had a few minutes of peace.  Sigh.  After reading over my lesson over Ecclesiastes 3:1-8,11,13, I decided I would take my BIG clock hanging over the mantel for a visual aid.  I dressed and climbed up on the fireplace and snatched the bottom part of the clock while the top part of the clock came down on my nose.

So now I have two very sore ankles, a bruised palm, a big ugly bruise on my shin, and a blueish knot on my nose.

If I become impaired due to any of these injuries, I obviously can handle all things on the home front on my own.  Who needs a husband around when you decide to beat yourself up over and over and over again?  Well, clearly, not me.   I have it all under-control thank you. 

I am hopelessly flawed.

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One Comment

  1. Posted January 29, 2008 at 1:56 pm | Permalink

    I can so relate. I can’t even tell you how many times I have fallen into a tiny hole in a field, or missed a tiny last step, and twisted my ankle(s). I’m famous for it. My husband just shakes his head. One time, I fell in a pothole walking across a Wendy’s parking lot. I was pregnant with Joshua and carrying Phoebe…and this parking lot was midway between my parents’ house in MA and my house in NC!!! Good job, Pam. All three of us were OK, but I nearly passed out from the pain. Whenever I fall now (or do any other stupid, life-threatening things), I get so mad at myself because I need to be RESPONSIBLE as a mother. Argh!


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