vb- “to suppose, think; to look forward to: ANTICIPATE”

I was contemplating all that has unfolded over the past few days.  The word to describe me in all of it is numb. 

And why on earth am I numb?  Numb to some great things.  Still numb.

It struck me that it all had to do with expectations.  I expected to be on a long and tedious journey called unemployment. 

On the way to church yesterday, I realized that my long honey-do list might  just sit on the counter undone due to the husband starting a job on Monday morning.  I vocalized my disappointment and the husband looked at me and said, “Surely you are NOT complaining.” 

No, honey.  Not complaining.  Just not what I expected and for this little ADD mind of mine, I don’t know how to handle things that are unexpected.  I know, I know, my life has been full of unexpected things and I actually crave adventure (which by nature is full of the unexpected) but once something gets set in my mind and then it changes, I freak. 

And I wonder where my son gets it?

I am numb b/c I am in shock that he really was unemployed for one day.  I am numb because we have been on several paths that felt more like roller coasters.  I have become very involved and ecstatic over the possibilities.  I was even willing to move to another country.  ANOTHER country.  (Now, wouldn’t you say I was a willing and supportive wife?)    And when it became obvious that it was not the right thing to do, we had our hearts set on a job in North Carolina.  Then that fell through.  Then December 31 came.  That was the date my husband would officially end his career at Buckner. 

All I expected then was waiting.  Waiting and riding another roller coaster.  Not knowing if we were coming or going – or in our case, moving or staying. 

So imagine my surprise to learn that the husband did indeed have a place to work on Monday morning. 

It is a long story about how it all worked out.  It is not a done deal yet so that is why I am numb to it and not shouting from mountain tops (not that we have too many mountain tops here in Texas).  We are still praying about this being the right move for us.  When I say move, I don’t mean changing our address.  The good news is the ministry is in the DFW area.  Not close but in the area.  It took the husband over an hour to get to work this morning.  UUUUUGH!

A few little details:

The husband was finalizing a few things on his last day at Buckner.  He called a guy who he knew via the work he does.  The man did not know the husband was losing his job and was shocked like everybody else.  He started encouraging him to not lose heart.  Then I guess it hit him that God could be opening up a door to use my talented husband in his ministry.  This conversation took place on Wednesday, December 31.  On Friday (the 2nd), they met for coffee at 9am.  By noon, the husband had a good sense of the ministry (that he already knew a lot about) and was convinced that the director (along with the small staff) is truly called to serving the orphans of Zambia. 

I think my husband was hooked. 

So today (January 5) he went into the office with an open heart and so much to offer fellow servants serving an awesome God. 

I will confess that I held on to a small string of hope that maybe, just maybe, the husband would enter the business world and solve all of our “having little money” woes.  Oh, I am so blind.  His passion runs strong and brightly colored with serving others.  Who am I to even question it?  I know God has greatly used this man and will continue to do so.

Want to know a secret? 

We have yet to go hungry and want for very much. 

And even though we might have to raise some support (kink #1), I know he will be the Lord Who Provides once again.  And again.  And again.

There you go! 

To expect.  To expect that God is God and He is still on His throne.

Want to know something sorta funny?

The definition of hope is:

 vb “to desire with expectation of fulfillment.”

I will claim that I will expect to be fulfilled with the One who gives me it all.  Maybe that is why we HOPE in HIM. 

Hmmmmmmmmm.  Maybe I am onto something.

By the way.  If you are curious about the ministry, go here.



  1. Posted January 5, 2009 at 8:28 pm | Permalink

    I confess that I am dumbfounded as well! Did he find an “Easy Button?” Of course he did! After all, nothing is too hard for the Lord! Wow! Congratulations! Wow, again!

  2. Posted January 5, 2009 at 8:29 pm | Permalink

    Oh, by the way, that link to his future ministry did not work for me.

  3. sincerelyanna
    Posted January 5, 2009 at 8:47 pm | Permalink

    Yay – this is very promising! God is doing an awesome work here in both of your hearts!

  4. Jordan
    Posted January 5, 2009 at 10:13 pm | Permalink

    wow! very sad to hear things came to an end with buckner, but what an amazing story about God’s faithfulness. andrew, i can’t wait to read about how this new position unfolds. orphans in zambia…LOVE IT!!!

  5. Posted January 6, 2009 at 10:03 pm | Permalink

    VERY cool! I am so sorry that the numb feeling is hitting you. Hang in there!!! I am so excited to hear the upcoming tales with the new position and I am sooo excited for you that you get to stay in the same are with family! Hooray!

  6. Posted January 6, 2009 at 10:18 pm | Permalink

    Oooh – this is exciting stuff! Can’t wait to hear how this all works out; for now reading ravenously about this very interesting ministry! 🙂

  7. Johanna
    Posted January 9, 2009 at 8:11 am | Permalink

    Wow! PTL!! It’s so amazing how He provides!
    But I’m totally with you on wanting adventure but hating the unexpected =) I bet Steve and Andrew would have a few good laughs comparing stories. =)

  8. Posted January 11, 2009 at 11:40 am | Permalink

    catching up on my blog reading – this sounds great! Can’t wait to hear more about how everything turns out….

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