I would like you to feel sorry for me

But don’t. 

Most of the country is off from their respective work places/school tomorrow for MLK day but I, along with our three little darlings, have the privilege of expanding our minds in what we call a typical school day. 

Why should you not feel sorry for me? 

I had last Friday off.  And the one before that and the one before that and every other Friday during a normal school week.  Have I told you that our elementary school does not hold classes on Fridays?  It is a marvelous thing.  Along with the joy of a regular four day week comes very few (like none) single holidays. 

And for the record – I love my job.  I did not say I love working.  I am simply saying that I am blessed with my work situation.  It is not easy even though it is part time.  Teaching really can’t be part time but my hours are a wee bit liberating and would be more so if we did not live 27 miles away from the blessed institution.  I have a group of core teachers that I adore both professionally and spiritually.  I am able to FREELY share my faith and have the opportunity to daily teach the Bible.  My students might be monkeys but I love them and appreciate each of them for who they are.

This year has been rough.  The group of monkeys I have now are quite different from the group I had last year, which guarantees constant flexibility.  We switched curriculums mid year, have had major things going on in our family’s life (like possible moves, husband losing job, etc), and I have a few students that not only require extra attention but have their very own “teachers” that accompany them in my class.  That in itself brings much stress and makes me feel like a bug under a microscope. 

As I was scrapbooking for 47 hours this weekend, I began reflecting on things in my life, especially my job.  Lately, all I have been able to focus on is that I DON”T WANT TO WORK at all.  I want to be wife and mom, meaning I long to be available to serve the four most important people in my life with a happy heart, not wearily and with a bad attitude.  BUT I realized this weekend that I have been placed in that classroom for now.  Yes, I often think that we made our decision in haste for me to do it a second year due to the extra money and free tution, but I am where I am and I must finish the year strong.  Not complaining.  Not thinking about “what ifs.” 

Strong.

And as we finish up this school year (16 more weeks but who is counting), not knowing very little about our future, my prayer is that God will truly give me extra little energy boosts and attitude adjustments so I can somehow be the  mom and wife I so long to be and an excellent teacher.  I know in my own strength I CANNOT do both well.  For I have most certainly been trying and it is NOT working.

While I must give some thought to what lies in front of us and what we are to do next, I cannot be so focused on what is coming up that I do not live in the present.  And that, my friends, is the rub.  

So, here’s to 16 more weeks of superb teaching and intentional and happy mothering!

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2 Comments

  1. sincerelyanna
    Posted January 18, 2009 at 11:11 pm | Permalink

    That is my prayer for you too. I’m jealous about the 47 hours of scrapbooking so I’ll need to pray for me, as well 🙂

  2. Posted January 19, 2009 at 7:54 am | Permalink

    I watched a video I made one year of my class the day before kindergarten graduation. That was before I had children, and at that time, my students WERE my children. Now that I have my own, I just know I could not give all that I used to to a class full of monkeys!


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