a while…

So it has been a while since I last posted. I can think of a thousand reasons why I have not been successful in writing but I just won’t go there.

I am away at a scrapbooking retreat this weekend so it makes sense that I am sitting at a Starbucks alone blogging….right?

I am in a huge funk this weekend, Well, it is more like I am mad at myself and am struggling to forgive myself of my horrible ways.

I won’t go there either.

I have titled this post 5 times thus far. Apparently I have no real direction in writing.
Rambling would be the best title.

So…..5 attempts to write something with more depth and I got NOTHING but ramblings….

Imagine, me rambling.

So here is to ramblings….
1. As stated above, I am at a scrapbooking retreat. I struggled with going and leaving the kids scattered with friends and family. Little Miss has given me nothing but grief about leaving her. So….Daddy can leave for 6 weeks but I can’t leave for a day. 😦 She has, in fact, not wanted to leave my side for three weeks. She has been invited to many activities with friends and even family members but refuses saying, “only if mommy goes.”
2. I am a horrible stressed out mother. I will leave that at that.
3. I am apparently very very dependent on the husband.
4. My folks have been beyond gracious to me (and the kids). I KNOW we would all be dead if they have not stepped in and assisted me in single parenting.
5. 15 days left in this separation from the husband.
6. The husband is being VERY VERY productive in Zambia.
7. I am not being productive here in the USA.
8. Not being productive stresses me out.
9. I am stressed out that I am stressed out
10. I think single mothers ROCK! I do NOT know how you precious ladies do it EVERY SINGLE DAY.
On a more positive note:
11. I am a Team Leader on my campus and our principal is taking us on a field trip to look at flooring (at another school) for our new building. So, I get to have a day away from my little preschoolers and be with adults on Monday. That makes me so happy.
12. Our new couches are FINALLY arriving on Thursday.
13. So happy to get rid of the red couches but a bit apprehensive about having cream colored ones.
14. Salted Caramel Mochas are my new thing.
15. My van is about to hit the 100,000 mark.
16. My mom created a daring fall bed in the backyard full of all sorts of fall goodies. She is sooooo gifted and generous.
17. 15 more days…..Did I already mention that?
18. I have not spent time with my dear friends for a long time.
19. We have started a discussion about going on a cruise……
20. I have a love/hate relationship with time alone.

I best head back to the retreat center and at least get a wee bit accomplished. I really want to keep driving on I35 North and go hug my children. Told you I have a love/hate thing with being alone. I need to get away but then I experience enormous guilt.



  1. sincerelyanna
    Posted October 22, 2011 at 2:06 pm | Permalink

    It’s important and valuable that you have time away doing something you love. I understand the guilt, though – hope this next week provides some sweet alone time with Little Miss. Maybe a trip to Starbucks 🙂 Also hope the next 15 days goes by fast until your hubby comes back. Take care – love you guys!

  2. Ella Tracy
    Posted October 24, 2011 at 8:53 pm | Permalink

    Enjoyed talking to you! So sorry that things have been hectic, but they will eventually settle down. Have a safe day tomorrow – much love, EJ

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