Ugly-beautiful

Ugly-beautiful, an oxymoron for sure.

But what does that entail?  What does it look like?  Can I view ugly things and label as beautiful?

If we see through the lens of Christ then ALL things are full of beauty because he transforms all.

God is always good and we are always loved.

Now to live that belief when the beauty no longer radiates.

Today a few ugly-beautiful moments that I can view as gifts:

1.  The Lad was rather stressed out about the amount of Algebra on top of having to study for a Spanish test.  He spent 47 minutes griping about his teachers’ decisions.  This gripe session resulted in my nerves crawling up my spine.  I felt it brewing.  A storm was coming.  The afternoon was panning out to be ugly.  I resisted.  “Oh Lord,” I muttered, “Grace.  Please, please show me your grace.”  HE DID!  I accepted it!  I saw it!

I sat down next to the Lad.  I leaned in close to him and stroked his short hair. I looked into his big blue eyes lined with a few tears longing to drip drop.  “Son, one moment at a time.  You will receive grace.”  I bid him goodbye and headed out to teach Bible Study pleased that I did not “blow my top” and really not focusing on the words I shared with him.

45 minutes later during Bible Study, I discovered that the majority of his work was not due tomorrow.  I texted the Lad.  I could hear the delight in his simple text, “Yes!  Yes! Yes!”

Spanish test still existing.  Algebra problems still unfinished but the light at the end of the tunnel was shining and my son could breathe.

Sweet mercies.

2.  Years of teasing, frustration stemmed from not being understood, and being placed in Special Education were the root of low self esteem.  They were also the root of being secure in who I was.  Another oxymoron!  The ugliness of being “disabled” and “different” molded me to persevere, to prove that I was intelligent and to be compassionate and willing to help others.

3.  I view being a working mom as UGLY!  That is my personal opinion and it has been a long road for me to accept it as a gift that produces beautiful things. It still IS WHAT IT IS and it is hard and good, beautiful gifts flow from it.

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